"Abortion Diaries"

Today I watched a short film titled, "Abortion Diaries." The film included stories from 12 women sharing their different experiences with abortion, including all the fear, anxiety, judgement, and desperation surrounding an unplanned pregnancy. The inspiration for the film came from one woman's desire to expose all the secret thoughts of guilt, pain, anger, and frustration from women who underwent abortions without adequate support from their friends, family, and our society. She believed that if more people just talked about abortion, instead of perpetuating the stigma associated with the topic, women would feel more prepared and less alone when such a situation arises. The women in the film ranged in age, ethnicity, and even social status. There was one woman who chose an abortion option when she found out she became pregnant during her first year of residency (the toughest year). There was another woman who chose to have an abortion because she knew she wouldn't be able to continue school if she chose to carry out the pregnancy to term. In her words, "I choose me." This woman informed her partner she was not on birth control pills, and yet he came inside of her without her permission. No other form of contraception was in place. After her outrage from learning this, he smirked. That is all. And yet another woman expressed not feeling ready for a baby, and just not wanting a child.

One woman really stood out in my mind. She had an unplanned pregnancy during a time when abortions were completely illegal in the country. She decided to go to a neighboring country to have an abortion performed. During the procedure, no anesthetic was used, and her uterine tissue was suctioned and scrapped away at with rubber suction tools. She bled continuously. When she returned to her country of residence, she was admitted into the hospital by her husband. She ended up having a severe infection from the illegal abortion, and now resulted in her uterus being scarred, rendering her completely infertile. Then, she shared that after all of what had happened, her worst feelings came from having to tell her mother she could no longer have children, and could not provide her with grandchildren. Her mother was a survivor of the Holocaust, but her daughter would not be able to pass on the lineage. She was broken-hearted and could not stop crying. Nor could I.

I have a really hard time understanding anyone who does not believe women should have the right to have an abortion. If they are thinking it is a fun procedure to have, they are wrong. If they are thinking it is an easy decision to make, they are wrong. If they are thinking it would decrease the number of unplanned pregnancies, they are wrong. The only thing it would decrease is the number of women with healthy, safe abortions. By taking away a person's choice, you have taken away their right to their own body.

I wonder how eager people would be to take away a man's right over his body, if the situations were reversed. Interesting how commercials and media regarding female reproductive issues are very few and far between, while every other commercial is of an older man happy to be on Viagra. On a tangent, it is amazing how many diseases and health issues out there pertain to the female reproductive system. We live in a "man's world," and as one gynecologist said me once, "If there was a new disease affecting the penis, there would be limitless funding to find a cure as soon as possible." And yet simple preventative health measures such as the HPV vaccine have only recently been insurance-approved for young women (19-26 yo only).

My last tangent is about acknowledgment and one love. There is a classmate of mine whom I look up to very much. She is the president of several organizations on campus that deal with issues relating to women. She has organized countless activities that I have participated in to learn and explore more about the unique set of issues we as women face. From her work, I have felt reinspired to put my heart into something. I have not felt this since undergrad. I had been meaning to express to her my gratitude for the longest time, and finally got the chance to do so today. I thanked her for her continual hard work in trying to spread knowledge and awareness. I thanked her for allowing me to feel connected with my school finally, and for letting me experience the humanity in medicine. Once I started to thank her, she fell apart and started to cry. She told me she was so tired. Tired from being so busy, tired from sleep deprivation, tired from being strong, tired of organizing, tired of trying to get people to care. She wasn't even sure if what she was doing was making a difference. I couldn't believe it. I'm not close with her, but she is one of the most friendly and smart people I know, always with a smile and radiating positivity. I'm so glad I got to talk to her, hug her, and validate her. Sometimes you just need some love.